Lou, thanks for tipping me off to the video of Dr. Zeman's talk! I found it interesting that many people who've lost their mind's sight realized it when they could no longer lull themselves to sleep with imagery, as happened to me. I take it you are a lifelong aphantasic? Yes, learning about "autobiographical amnesia" is one of the most reassuring things I've read about aphantasia's effects. I love how you respond to your husband's "Remember?" questions with humor. A sense of humor is definitely a gift for which I am supremely grateful: it helps me through a lot. Do you think you are more resilient to trauma and loss than other people you know? Maybe it's because my highly empathic nature was formed before I lost my visualization, but I definitely feel my own and others' trauma keenly. I'm still searching for something positive about losing an ability I used to have, but I can say with conviction that receiving such warm and supportive messages from people like you on this site has been very comforting. Thank you, Lou!
Hi, Cne9999. After I wrote this in the Aphantasia Network discussion, a moderator told me that acquired aphantasia is rare. I used to be able to "see" things in my mind's eye -- I remember doing a meditation in yoga class and "watching" ants go up and down the trunk of a tree in my childhood garden -- but I suddenly became blind in my mind's eye at age 58. So I absolutely believe that you used to be able to visualize, too, and somehow lost the ability. And I do think dreaming is related somehow, as I initially stopped dreaming, or at least remembering dreams, but I often have them now (ten years later). Wouldn't it be wonderful if, in future, we could regain this ability thanks to discoveries by researchers? Until then, best wishes to you!
Larry, wow, what a dramatic loss you experienced, so young. You must have been terribly confused about what happened. It's fascinating that your visualization has come back a tiny bit. I think something similar may be happening to me: sometimes I can almost perceive a faint, ghostly image that, for some reason, seems as though it's in the back of my brain or skull. It's like figures at the back of a darkened theater that you can't really see but know they're there. This is occasional, not a progression toward clearer inner vision, as far as I can tell. Anyway, I do hope that you are able to "see" more and more. To me it's super hopeful that, even after so many decades, a change is happening in your remarkable brain! Thanks for your comment, and best wishes.
Visualizing was such a big part of my falling-asleep routine that the "black screen" one night was impossible to ignore. But the other losses I only discovered bit by bit -- spelling, personal memories, recognizing markers when driving, even folding/stacking washcloths so they all face the same way [unimportant except in that it's like a puzzle to me now whereas before it was automatic]. Still happens. I'd given my childhood friend a silly nickname, but when she signed it in an email, I didn't recognize it ... and I was the one who'd invented it! I remember a nurse friend telling me that stroke patients may not notice that their whole left side is "gone" (not functioning), for example. I feel in my heart that my aphantasia was caused by some sort of a stroke. The brain is a marvel and a mystery. I now encourage people to fill me in on the details I've mislaid, hoping maybe I'll rebuild the memories in a way, even if the visual imagery doesn't come back. I sincerely hope the same for you, Marcus!
Hi, Marcus, Isn't it interesting that learning you have aphantasia changes your assumptions and perspectives about your experiences? I did notice immediately when I lost my visual imagination, but it's only over the course of the succeeding t ten years that I've realized how many memories -- visual and experiential -- got lost, too. For example, an old friend just tonight said, "Remember when ... ?" and proceeded to describe in great detail an experience we'd had more than once together. We were looking at something that prompted his recollection, but I could neither "see" or remember the past experiences. Gone for good? Other memories I do still have but can't "see" them, only reconstruct them with words. It seems like you must have what's called "acquired aphantasia" (like I have). We both remember visualizing, we understand what it means and what it's like, we just can't do it anymore. I understand that acquired aphantasia is much less common than having it since birth. Best wishes on your discovery process.
R, you are so kind! I really appreciate your encouraging words. It never occurred to me to put it the way you did, but disorientation is EXACTLY what it's like to have had a mind's eye and to lose it. I thought it was just the visualization I lost, but it was more, including memories, abilities, and understanding on many levels. I hope that finally knowing you have aphantasia will give you precious and plentiful "aha" moments that explain why things you do might be different from the way others do it. May this process of discovery reveal your superpowers to you!
Thank you so much for your compassion and the links, Jennifer! I will definitely contact the Zeman & Icelandic Vision Labs, and found Rebecca Brady's comments intriguing, though in many respects so different from mine (e.g., I have not lost my ability to feel horror, alas, or strong emotion). I posted my experience on the discussion page yesterday, and was thrilled you replied so quickly to my separate inquiry to you. I didn't realize that "acquired aphantasia" was rare, so I hope some researcher will be interested in what's happened to me.
Jennifer, I would love to participate in research into people who've LOST their ability to visualize, as suddenly happened to me about 10 years ago. I appreciate having this list of research institutions, and will look at their websites, but since most comments I've read on this site suggest participants were born aphantasic, I'm hoping someone is researching acquired aphantasia. If you know of anyone doing this, I'd deeply appreciate your pointing me in the right direction. Thank you!
I used to be a confident and superior speller, and could just "see" the spelling in my head. I suddenly became mind's-eye blind 10 years ago, and my spelling worsened. I compensate sometimes by writing down my spelling guesses on paper, and can often pick out the right one, but not always. You've seen how people look up, or down, or to the left or right when asked a question: sometimes they are visualizing the answer that way. I'm not sure I do that anymore.
Yes, indeed! I wasn't born with aphantasia -- I lost it overnight about 10 years ago, don't know why -- but I realized only recently that I do describe things to myself in my head to be able to recall them later, as a way of compensating for what I used to "see." "Karina is the one with black hair in braids, hippie clothes, sings well." "My running shoes are under the coffee table." "The pharmacy is not on Stadium Drive, it's on West Main." "At James's party most people congregated in the kitchen." I, too, have the black/mottled grey background, and sometimes I think there's maybe a dim, ghostly, distant image hovering in the back of the dark movie theater that used to house my mental images.