michael ann leaver

As an aphant I cannot compare my dreams in anything more that descriptors: Yes there is color, and pictures, and great jokes, and lots of strange roads to take.Until I am asleep there is nothing on the screen. When I wake up the dreams very quickly disappear and I have trouble recollecting, unless the dream was very important or jarring. I do have nightmares. I do have repetitive characters in my dreams that are never seen in "real awake" life. In fact, last night I saw a young man I haven't seen anywhere except in a dream I had 20 years ago. He and I laughed about it in the dream, and I welcomed him back, like running into an old friend on the street. There are no names in my dreams. There is lots of physical movement. I am often "lost" trying to figure out how to get somewhere (good symbolism for aphantasia). There are not many close up details, like looking at your hands and really studying them. My dreams never have included the work I do as a sculptor or a poet. My partner tells me I laugh a lot when I am asleep. I also do not move much at night, if at all. During a sleep study, even in active REM the tech said he had never seen anyone lay as still as I do all through the night. Basically, when I get out of the bed in the morning I can make the bed in one swoop, no muss no fuss.

Liana, It is so interesting that aphantasia takes so many forms. For me there is, in addition to a black screen, a completely quiet space when I close my eyes, or open my eyes. I have absolutely no inner monologue. It sure makes going to sleep easy!! But in your quote "This approach helped calm the melee but I could still hear some disruptive chatter" I was stopped abruptly as I realized you do have chatter, whereas I have none. I still like listening to stuff, I just don't retain it very long unless I do something else with it, like draw it, or make an arrow map, like a cartoon. Thanks for sharing your strategies!! Michael Ann

Hi, I am aphantastic! I am 74 years old, and have had the blank screen forever. Until I was about 50 I had no idea that people actually had mental imagery or had some discursive thoughts with the self. In terms of work history, I was a nurse practitioner in geriatrics and mental health and taught at a university. In my "spare" time I have always been an artist. I write and sculpt. Since retiring, art take up a great deal of my time. I find I can think through my fingers, and am often quite surprised what emerges. I find that I feel or sense people and situations quite easily and reliably. My home is filled with art, and photos, as they bring me back to autobiographical information about my life, which solidifies experience of self. My bodily experience has been one where I become ill easily if distressed as I cannot "think" through what might be disturbing me. I wonder if there is a higher rate of illness and disability in aphantasics? As a side note, I have three sons, none of whom have aphantasia. I am curious if older aphantasics have organized their ways of working in the world differently that younger folks who have been introduced to these concepts at an earlier age?  I am open to any research being done.   In appreciation, Michael Ann Leaver [email protected]