Mary Rogers

About 10 years ago my husband and I were out for a drive when he mentioned how many kangaroo were in the far corner of a paddock we were passing. I told him to watch the road instead of counting kangaroo and he said he was watching the road - he'd just glanced at them and then counted them in his head. ??? When questioned he confided that ever since he was a child he had this strange ability to glance at something and then conjure the picture back up to look at it in greater detail. WOW I thought, imagine being able to do THAT!   But when bragging to other people about this 'super power', we quickly discovered that almost everyone could do it - except me.  When I looked away from what I was seeing, it was gone for good, never to be seen again.   I recalled those crime shows on the tv where they get people to mentally recall an incident and pick up on extra things they may have seen, smells, noises etc. How did they do that? Pain management and relaxation classes never made sense - how does thinking about a beach relax you? I could only think of the components - sand, shell, waves, just words.  I have always been hopeless at visualising how things work or fit together - making a precut box from its flat shape, putting together sewing patterns etc, which provided my family with endless hours of amusement.  My camera has always been my constant companion and records things I want to remember. My filing system - in albums and hard drives allows me to find any specific photo within minutes. My husband spotted an article around 2015 about aphantasia and got really excited.  "Listen to this" he said, "this is you", and it was!  It doesn't really make any difference, I am nearly 70. However, now I understand why I cannot recall the faces of those I love, why I cannot recall actual events that were so special to me, why people get exasperated with me when I can't describe someone or something. I am not stupid, or forgetful - I just have aphantasia.

My camera is my best friend, it captures all the things my mind can't. I am almost 70, with 5 children, 21 grandchildren and 5 great grandchildren and my memories of them growing up are stored in date order in photo albums and on hard drives.  When someone says "Do you remember..." I can remember the facts but not the images, until I access my albums.  You are so right, having the photo does help you feel as if you are part of the group.