John Wilson

I do not think I have aphantasia: I've always been a daydreamer and can get lost in daydreams sometimes, and that kind of involves picturing things in your mind, yes? They're not (I'd say obviously, but maybe not so obvious to people with aphantasia) clear vivid images as if I were actually looking at a scene (it's not like it replaces my vision or anything), but enough that I can recognize what I'm thinking about. HOWEVER, I was reading the descriptions of SDAM on this site and elsewhere, and I think this is exactly what I've been trying to explain to my therapist and countless other doctors and professionals for years! I have what I call "Swiss cheese memory." I'm somewhat attention deficit and can often forget things in the short term, but my long term memory is like a few faded photographs or extremely short silent videos. I can recount my life history (what I call "the litany") and can put some of these pieces on the time line (though they're often out of order) and have some recollection of some events, but most of it is lost in inky blackness. I know this is unusual, but I've had a hard time explaining it to anyone. (My late wife said she had the ability to replay moments of her life back like watching a movie, which was completely foreign to me.) It's VERY frustrating. Maybe it's SDAM. I know I already have autism and ADD; maybe it's related?