John Skeats

I have always been good at thinking averbally. When I first learned about aphantasia, I struggled with the question about whether it could apply to me because I was always good at what I called "visualizing" geometric and spacial problems. (Note that I put "visualizing" in quotes there because I realize now that I was never actually seeing what I was "visualizing." I just didn't have a better word to describe my thinking process.) 

While I've been aware that I was aphantasic for a while, it never dawned on me that I have essentially the same experience with all senses--but that is definitely the case. I can think about the melody and the sounds of the instruments when I think about a song, but I don't hear them. Similarly, I don't hear people's voices when I think about someone speaking to me even in very memorable circumstances. The same applies to taste, smell, and touch. My experiences with attempting to imagine any of the senses is like the blank screen I face when I attempt to visualize. It is hard to describe what I experience in all of those cases. It is not at all verbal--in other words it is not as if I were reading or hearing a description--but that's true in when I have sensual experiences in general. For example, I have always struggled to give even very basic descriptions of smells. The best I can do is "It smells like [whatever]," rather than being able to describe attributes of the smells.

I can't visualize even a geometric shape or simply a color, but my dreams are as visual as wakeful vision. I've also had wonderful visual experiences arise while meditating. That only happens spontaneously, however. I'm no more successful at creating images during meditation than I am at other times. 

It took me far longer than you to realize I was aphantasic, although I had a hint as young child. I remember being puzzled by the concept of counting sheep as a way of going to sleep because it made no sense to me to count something I couldn't see. Of course, I didn't recognize at the time that others could actually "see" the sheep.  My discovery that I was different didn't come for the better part of seven decades. I recently became a Tibetan Buddhist, and visualization is an important part of the practices. During a retreat I attended, we were instructed to visualize a very detailed image. I told the lama that I cannot see anything when I close my eyes, and I asked for help. He told me to start with a simpler image. I recognized something was going on when I couldn't make myself "see" even a circle or a specific color. The answer came later when I tripped across an article about aphantasia on the web about a year ago. I contacted the author of the study referenced in the article, shared a brief explanation of my experience, and was told that it was very likely that I was aphantasic. I just took the VVIQ assessment. The lowest answer 'No image at all, I only “know” I am thinking of the object' pretty solidly confirmed that because it described perfectly what I experience when I try to visualize.