bonnie

Hello Courtney and everyone,I remember things but I can't visualise them. I also don't feel connected to them. It's hard to explain but I just know that certain things happened. I have probably forgotten a lot though. The thing I truly relate to is in my feelings. I don't have strong feelings for much of anything except when I am directly with someone or dong something. Even then it feels muted and later I don't feel much or anything about the person or event. I live away from my family and have met many people. I have to force myself to remember to keep in touch with people, even my own family. If I didn't actively tell myself to do this then I would not contact people and they would drift away.I don't feel truly connected to anyone and cannot form proper relationships. I do feel guilty about my lack of feeling towards people. I have never been able to say what I realy think or how I really feel as I feel so different from everyone and know that they wouldn't understand. How could they understand as I barely understand myself. It makes me feel less human and wonder what is the point in doing things.How can you tell someone that you wouldn't really care if you never saw them again?