Andrea Bakacs

Thanks for sharing your story. I also have total multi sensory aphantasia, SDAM, am autistic, and suffer from cPTSD and chronic PTSD. I have only found that aphantasia and SDAM inhibit healing since most if not all trauma based therapies rely on sensory based memory recall and/or imagination. That goes for EMDR, SE, IFS, Rapid Eye, Brainspotting, Rewind Therapy, and even psychedelic assisted therapy. None of it is accessible. I believe a large percentage of folks for whom these modalities don't work have aphantasia and/or SDAM, and simply don't know. They certainly don't screen for them in therapy much less clinical trials. I can not "let them go" and stop "worrying about them" as it relates to my trauma, because it's trapped in my body. No amount of cognition or awareness does anything to change the fear, hypervigilance, deeply ingrained beliefs, etc. I would love to let go! I've put myself in super risky situations with very strong medicines hoping for exactly this. But nothing. Would you mind elaborating on what methods you used that you were able to access despite aphantasia + SDAM that allowed you to heal your trauma? Thank you.

The biggest obstacle for me is that proven modalities for trauma all require sensory memory recall and imagination. EMDR, Rapid Eye, Brainspotting, IFS, Somatic Experiencing, and even psychedelic assisted therapy (ketamine, psilocybin, MDMA, ayahuasca, etc.) As someone who has been in therapy for 24 years, 22 years in CBT/DBT, and the last 2 trauma focused and somatic based, I'm still stuck with no way to access memories to reconsolidate them. I'm a full aphant, all senses, extending to dreams and emotions, and have SDAM. It's impossible to plan for my future, because I don't have one. I only have what is happening to to me in the present. With chronic PSTD that is basically a living nightmare no therapist has been able to help with. I wrote a several page piece about this exact topic I sent to this website for which I didn't receive a response, but I also sent to all my therapists, practitioners, and healers over the years. Only 1 had ever heard of this, but they did all agree to begin asking potential clients if they have aphantasia and and if so how many senses are affected, since it will affect their work together. 

Here are some links to the overlap between autism and aphantasia. You've probably noticed quite a few questions on the AQ are about visualization.  https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1053810021000131https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/03010066211042186https://soniaboue.wordpress.com/2018/05/16/not-thinking-in-pictures-autism-and-a-possible-sub-diagnosis-of-aphantasia/https://www.quora.com/As-an-autistic-do-you-experience-aphantasia-or-can-you-visualize-imagery-with-easehttps://stirlingautismresearch.stir.ac.uk/2021/05/05/seeing-in-the-minds-eye-a-study-of-aphantasia-in-relation-to-episodic-memory-and-future-thinking-in-autistic-adults/https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/aphantasia-can-contribute-aspergers-robert-mcinnes/https://www.researchgate.net/publication/349088462_What_is_the_relationship_between_Aphantasia_Synaesthesia_and_Autismhttps://eagleman.com/papers/Danceetal_2021_AphantasiaAutismSynesthesia.pdfhttps://www.reddit.com/r/Aphantasia/comments/miie13/does_aphantasia_always_come_with_autism/https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33548575/https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ie7s2EzfasEhttps://www.autismforums.com/threads/aphantasia-and-autism.31475/https://limbicnoodle.ca/2022/07/18/perseverance-aphantasia-sentinel-intelligence-and-imposter-syndrome/ I have ADD and autism (and PTSD, depression, and anxiety) and am a total multi sensory aphant with SDAM. It's a nightmare. 

Plenty of people with aphantasia have PTSD (myself included) as you don't need to have visual flashbacks to qualify as a diagnosis. I have emotional flashbacks as one of countless symptoms. I have no idea what memory I'm in, or what is happening. It's completely debilitating. Having aphantasia actually makes it much harder to heal from PTSD because almost all therapeutic modalities targeting trauma require sensory memory recall or imagination-- EMDR, Rapid Eye, Brainspotting, Somatic Experiencing, IFS, psychedelics assisted therapy (ketamine, psilocybin, MDMA, ayahuasca, peyote, ibogaine, etc. etc.) Aphantasia was originally hypothesized to lessen the risk of PTSD, but this was proven false in a very large study. https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-020-65705-7 Here is someone's personal account they wrote about it (though they do have other senses, vs me I am a total aphantastic) https://themighty.com/topic/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd-flashback-aphantasia/ Here is a thread on reddit. https://www.reddit.com/r/Aphantasia/comments/7zkzbh/ptsd_and_aphantasia/ I wrote a multi page story about this and how aphantasia limits our treatments, and submitted to the aphantasia network several months ago, but I never heard back.

Plenty of people with aphantasia have PTSD (myself included) as you don't need to have visual flashbacks to qualify as a diagnosis. I have emotional flashbacks as one of countless symptoms. I have no idea what memory I'm in, or what is happening. It's completely debilitating. Having aphantasia actually makes it much harder to heal from PTSD because almost all therapeutic modalities targeting trauma require sensory memory recall or imagination-- EMDR, Rapid Eye, Brainspotting, Somatic Experiencing, IFS, psychedelics assisted therapy (ketamine, psilocybin, MDMA, ayahuasca, peyote, ibogaine, etc. etc.)

I am also the polar opposite of this. HSP + chronic PTSD (and cPTSD), and total aphant (all senses + dreams + emotions) + SDAM. Light (especially types of light), noise, vibration, crowds, odors/smells-- can all make me physically sick and always have. I am definitely more sensitive, not less. Scores on AQ tests have gotten worse every year. I'm now a 48.