nicknation

" I seem to have lost my visual sense of imagination almost entirely. Sometimes I have moments where I am able to “see” a small extent, but now my imagination has gone “dark”. It literally feels as if it’s darker than it was before if that makes sense." I can greatly relate to this. As a kid, I thought i had a great imagination. In 1st grade summer, I was diagnosed with ADHD and subsequently began taking medication for it. I can't exactly remember if i took other drugs besides Adderall but i do remember gradually taking higher doses as I got older. about 6-7 years later, I no longer wanted to take the drug and decided to stop taking it because it was not worth the side effects. I can't exactly remember when it was when my visualization started to decline but I definitely began to notice when I entered college around 18. I had always attributed my lack of visualization to taking Adderall for a long time somehow messing with my brain before coming across this website and realizing i wasn't alone in this. I'm currently 26 years old and cannot visualize any precise details in my mind. If im asked to imagine, for example, my mother, I cannot imagine her eyes, nose, mouth, etc. I visualize a seemingly white/bright outline of her in front a vast black void or an outline of her with a blurred face (no recognizable facial features). It doesn't seem like I'm visualizing her in my mind but rather using my memories of her. It also feels like an empty, hollow, projection of my mother instead of a solid figure in my mind. It's very difficult to try to imagine more details such as her face. The more i struggle to imagine specific physical features of her, the more the rest of her gets lost until there is no longer an image in my head. Not sure if this can be correlated to my self-prescribed poor memory .