Madeline Lipke

I have very vivid dreams. I can see my dreams very well while I'm asleep. When I'm awake, I can't see my dreams, I can only remember the details. It is very hard to explain to someone who is non-aphantasic, but I think that you and other people who have this can understand.

How I descoved was kind of weird and at first I didn't believe that I was actually Aphantasic. This artist on Youtube has it and made a video about it. I found myself on the same boat as her. I felt special at first but didn't think it was true. I started looking up articals and tests about it. A lot of the test and articals were telling me that I actually was Aphantasic. I stumbled upon this website and then I took into acount how many resources were telling me that I was Aphantasic. Then I started testing my friends and family if they had it too. A lot of my friends said they had the same thing but then were telling me about how much they loved reading and how good the writer was because they could picture it perfectly. I felt really alone. Like no one truly understood my struggle. I had gotten in trouble before i found out about this for not being able to see in my mind. My teachers always thought I wasn't doing my work because I couldn't tell them what I pictured while doing it. My parents didn't believe that I had this. I sent an artical explaining it to my bestest of friends and she thought that it was fake. That hurt. I started doubting myself, like I was just faking it. I don't know, maybe, I still am trying to convince myself that I am not Aphantasic. I am viewed smart by my peers. At first I thought being this way was a set back, like my brain wasn't perfect (yes, I cared a lot about being perfect, I think that was from presure of being a great, perfect figure). Now, I see that being Aphantasic is not that bad. I lost my view of needing to be perfect. Also, I am really good at moving objects 2D and 3D. I love how I can do some of these things because I have Aphantasia.

I cannot for the life of me picture anything in my head and until a few months ago I thought that was normal. I can, although, remember smells and sounds very well. Sounds especailly. I can hear something once or twice and I can remember it for a very long time. Like this one show that my mom and I used to watch a lot I can remember the intro by heart without fail. My mom thinks I'm wierd for that but I like to assume that it makes up for me not being able to picture stuff. I have actually gotten in trouble for not being able to picture stuff but that is a story for another time.