Julie Van der Helder

Interested to learn more about this. Recently discovered I’m Aphant. No sensory overload, as a far as I can tell. Life’s pretty logical.

In my first marriage, from 24-43, I felt desperate for sex. It was often denied, I felt rejected a lot. I became grateful for sex, it was a power play which my narcissistic husband always won. My sense of self was eroded. Now, in hindsight, I see that he could take advantage of the strong need that I had, and manipulate me to comply, to make him feel powerful when I was so very grateful when he decided we could have sex. Thought I just had a higher libido. Maybe it was because I couldn’t remember, couldn’t replay times we had sex in my head, and recall those close feelings of love. After 25 years of rejection I left him. This is important, it explains a lot.

Hi Diane. Your comments on loved ones passing resonates with me. I went to a funeral today, and reflecting on that I realised how delighted I was to see family members I rarely see in person in the same place. At the same time I now know why I also hate funerals because I can’t imagine the deceased’s face or picture being with them in memories.