David100351

Not until my 60s. Its long been a joke in my family that I have no idea what colour the bathroom is painted, or which pictures are on which walls (unless they amuse me - and actually I've always preferred that kind of picture - although I can't call up the picture, I can call up the amusement). Another responder talks about guided meditations: I have done lots of these, and my way of doing it is to pretend I'm in a mobility scooter, or go-kart, so I can sit down and just pretend I'm driving through the scenery that I'm being asked to visualise. Sonetimes I will get up and walk on the spot, but of course you can't get away with that in a group, and sometimes I can travel a distance by accident. It works. One thing I've noticed is that although the mental imagery that I can create is very sketchy, like looking in a fog through a distorting glass with my eyes half shut lol, actually that is like what I normally see when I look around - I don't pay attention, you might say, although it would be more accurate to say that I pay acute attention to understanding what's there from a technical perspective and to emotional atmosphere, but I don't remember much about the scenery - what I would probably define as the background. In the recent past, within a legal framework, I have taken a psychedelic (Ayahuasca, essentially a mix of DMT and an MAOI). For the first hour or so, eyes closed, it was like looking at rolls of William Morris wallpaper unfolding before my eyes and strething off into the distance. Then, eyes open, I had an extraordinary experience looking at a tree in full blossom, as one thing, really for the first time. I can recall something of the colour and shapes, but it is the emotional memory that remains with me now, several years later.

I share your feelings on this, and yet of course your post is full of emotion and longing, it just isn't expressed visually. I work as a psychotherapist, and for many years I wondered if I was as empathic as my colleagues, who would often "fall over" after hearing about their client's traumatic experiences and traumas. The was despite exhibiting an almost telepathic ability to name their feelings and describe the movement of their thoughts. I only realised today, at age 69!, that it's the aphantasia that has protected me all these years from burnout and vicarious traumatisation. So for me, nowadays, it's a real benefit.

Yes, it was only indiscussing things with my wife that I came to realise that I was different. It explained so much about how people thought I just wasn't trying at school, how art and geography were a nightmare, and why I've never been able to remember poetry I couldn't sing. Of course, I needed to read an article in a newspaper to finally nail it. I was around 60, I think.